Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of gender, ethnicity, age, education, religion, class, disability status, sexual orientation, or other characteristics. It can happen among couples who are married, living together, or dating.

Abuse can take many forms and often begins with the abuser exerting control over certain parts of their partner’s life. The abuse then progresses in frequency and intensity.

Forms of abuse

• Physical: Any forceful or violent behavior

• Emotional: Any abuse that attacks someone’s self-esteem and definitions of who they are

• Economic: The use of finances to control or limit a partner

• Psychological: Any abuse with the threat of violence, including fear, pain, and degradation

Many survivors and families realize after physical abuse begins that emotional, economic, or psychological abuse were present during the early stages of the relationship.

People tend to recognize domestic violence as the physical act of a male spouse or partner physically harming a wife or girlfriend. However, power and control issues are prevalent in all types of relationships, and can include female abuse of a partner. Teen dating violence; violence within gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender relationships; violence against people with disabilities; and violence against Deaf people of all identities are often overlooked.

The term “domestic violence” is often referred to as “intimate partner violence.” All forms of intimate partner violence (IPV) can be traumatic.

Source: SAFE Austin

Myth: Catholics who marry an abusive spouse must remain married due to their marriage vows.
Fact: The Catholic Church does not expect an abused person to stay in a marriage with domestic violence. The Catholic Church encourages domestic violence victims who have divorced to seek an annulment.

Myth: Married couples experiencing domestic violence should seek help together in the way of couples therapy.
Fact: Couples therapy when domestic violence is present is actually dangerous. It endangers the victim by minimizing the abuse, increases the victim’s isolation as they might fear speaking in therapy sessions, and implies the victim is responsible for making sure the abuser gets help.

Myth: Alcohol and drugs cause domestic violence.
Fact: While alcohol and certain drugs can intensify an abuser’s anger and violent episodes, they are never the cause of domestic violence. Domestic violence is caused by a person wanting to exert power and control over their partner. Many alcoholics aren’t abusive people; many abusive people aren’t alcoholics.

Myth: People who use violence should seek anger management classes to help control their temper.
Fact: Abuse is not about anger. Abuse is about power and control. People who use violence intentionally target their victims and are well skilled at controlling their behavior. Anger management classes can actually provide an abuser with more skills to mask their abusive tactics, making it more dangerous for the victim. People who use violence should seek out specialized counseling services or enroll in a certified Batterer's Intervention and Prevention Program (BIPP).

Sources: Domestic Violence Outreach, Archdiocese of Chicago and Texas Council on Family Violence

• On average, more than 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the U.S. will experience rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.

• An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States.

• 30% to 60% of intimate partner violence perpetrators also abuse children in the household.

• 1 in 10 high school students has experienced physical violence from a partner in the last year alone. Statistics like these demand that we all commit ourselves to ending abuse for good.

Learn the facts about domestic violence in different situations. The National Domestic Violence Hotline webpage offers statistics compiled from a variety of sources. Citations of those sources are found at the drop down for each statistic.

Here is an excerpt from the introduction to the Bishop’s letter When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women
 

“As pastors of the Catholic Church in the United States, we state as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form"—physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal"—is sinful; often, it is a crime as well.
 

“The Catholic Church teaches that violence against another person in any form fails to treat that person as someone worthy of love. Instead, it treats the person as an object to be used. When violence occurs within a sacramental marriage, the abused spouse may question, ‘How do these violent acts relate to my promise to take my spouse for better or for worse?’ The person being assaulted needs to know that acting to end the abuse does not violate the marriage promises.”