Although many aspects of the pandemic are waning and people are stuck at home less; for domestic violence victims, home is still a dangerous place. October 2021 marked 40 years of celebrating Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We offer a few suggested actions, resources, and links. Learn what Domestic Violence is and start a conversation today! #Every1KnowsSome1 who has been affected by domestic abuse.
1. Be Informed
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of gender, ethnicity, age, education, religion, class, disability status, sexual orientation, or other characteristics. It can happen among couples who are married, living together, or dating.
Abuse can take many forms and often begins with the abuser exerting control over certain parts of their partner’s life. The abuse then progresses in frequency and intensity.
Forms of abuse
Physical: Any forceful or violent behavior
Emotional: Any abuse that attacks someone’s self-esteem and definitions of who they are
Economic: The use of finances to control or limit a partner
Psychological: Any abuse with the threat of violence, including fear, pain, and degradation
Many survivors and families realize after physical abuse begins that emotional, economic, or psychological abuse were present during the early stages of the relationship.
People tend to recognize domestic violence as the physical act of a male spouse or partner physically harming a wife or girlfriend. However, power and control issues are prevalent in all types of relationships, and can include female abuse of a partner. Teen dating violence; violence within gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender relationships; violence against people with disabilities; and violence against Deaf people of all identities are often overlooked.
The term “domestic violence” is often referred to as “intimate partner violence.” All forms of intimate partner violence (IPV) can be traumatic.
Myth: Catholics who marry an abusive spouse must remain married due to their marriage vows. Fact: The Catholic Church does not expect an abused person to stay in a marriage with domestic violence. The Catholic Church encourages domestic violence victims who have divorced to seek an annulment.
Myth: Married couples experiencing domestic violence should seek help together in the way of couples therapy. Fact: Couples therapy when domestic violence is present is actually dangerous. It endangers the victim by minimizing the abuse, increases the victim’s isolation as they might fear speaking in therapy sessions, and implies the victim is responsible for making sure the abuser gets help.
Myth: Alcohol and drugs cause domestic violence. Fact: While alcohol and certain drugs can intensify an abuser’s anger and violent episodes, they are never the cause of domestic violence. Domestic violence is caused by a person wanting to exert power and control over their partner. Many alcoholics aren’t abusive people; many abusive people aren’t alcoholics.
Myth: People who use violence should seek anger management classes to help control their temper. Fact: Abuse is not about anger. Abuse is about power and control. People who use violence intentionally target their victims and are well skilled at controlling their behavior. Anger management classes can actually provide an abuser with more skills to mask their abusive tactics, making it more dangerous for the victim. People who use violence should seek out specialized counseling services or enroll in a certified Batterer's Intervention and Prevention Program (BIPP).
On average, more than 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the U.S. will experience rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.
An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States.
30% to 60% of intimate partner violence perpetrators also abuse children in the household.
1 in 10 high school students has experienced physical violence from a partner in the last year alone. Statistics like these demand that we all commit ourselves to ending abuse for good.
Learn the facts about domestic violence in different situations. The National Domestic Violence Hotline webpage offers statistics compiled from a variety of sources. Citations of those sources are found at the drop down for each statistic.
What does the Catholic Church say about Domestic Violence?
“As pastors of the Catholic Church in the United States, we state as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form"—physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal"—is sinful; often, it is a crime as well.
“The Catholic Church teaches that violence against another person in any form fails to treat that person as someone worthy of love. Instead, it treats the person as an object to be used. When violence occurs within a sacramental marriage, the abused spouse may question, ‘How do these violent acts relate to my promise to take my spouse for better or for worse?’ The person being assaulted needs to know that acting to end the abuse does not violate the marriage promises.”
2. Pray
Prayer for Healing Victims of Abuse
God of endless love, ever caring, ever strong, always present, always just: You gave your only Son to save us by the blood of his cross.
Gentle Jesus, shepherd of peace, join to your own suffering the pain of all who have been hurt in body, mind, and spirit by those who betrayed the trust placed in them.
Hear the cries of our brothers and sisters who have been gravely harmed, and the cries of those who love them. Soothe their restless hearts with hope, steady their shaken spirits with faith. Grant them justice for their cause, enlightened by your truth.
Holy Spirit, comforter of hearts, heal your people’s wounds and transform brokenness into wholeness. Grant us the courage and wisdom, humility and grace, to act with justice. Breathe wisdom into our prayers and labors. Grant that all harmed by abuse may find peace in justice. We ask this through Christ, our Lord. Amen.
Support safety with your time, money, and donated items
Intimate relationships matter. They help provide the connections every person needs to thrive. But when abuse enters the relationship, it’s not always clear what’s happening or what to do. As of 2021, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes. And the widespread lifestyle changes brought on by COVID-19 have increased the stress that contributes to violence and decreased the interactions that can interrupt abuse.
It doesn’t have to be this way—and we can all help make Central Texas safe for partners and families.
The Austin/Travis County Family Violence Task Force brings together local government, community organizations (including SAFE), advocates, and first responders to coordinate and amplify efforts that reduce and prevents family violence and promote safety. We invite you to join us this October and all year round by learning, preparing, and showing up for safe relationships.
4. Connect with Organizations that Are Helping Those Affected by Domestic Violence
Those who have left abusive relationships or who are trying to leave often have significant needs. Here are a few organizations that offer support locally:
The SAFE Alliance offers face-to-face & digital support as well as shelter/housing for victims/survivors. SAFE stands for “stop abuse for everyone.” Violence and abuse can affect anyone. Services are free and available to all people, of all identities, regardless of race, gender, sex, status, or any other factor. SAFE also works to end domestic violence through prevention, education, and advocacy.
All families served by Saint Louise House are coming out of homelessness, with over 75% having experienced domestic violence and 100% having experienced traumatic situations. Without safe, stable and affordable housing, a mother cannot focus on her family's physical and mental health, or on any of the other components that are foundational to living healthy and self-sufficient lives. Saint Louise House is deeply committed to supporting these women-led families as they move from crisis to long-lasting stability.
Casa Marianella welcomes displaced immigrants and promotes self sufficiency by providing shelter and support services. Many of the women and children served through their women and children’s shelter, Posada Esperanza, are escaping domestic or cultural violence in their home countries.
Here are a few state or national organizations that can serve as resources for anyone looking for help, information, or training:
The Texas Council on Family Violence (TCFV) is the only 501(c)(3) nonprofit coalition in Texas dedicated soley to creating safer communities and freedom from family violence. With a statewide reach and direct local impact, TCFV shapes public policy, equips service providers with essential tools, and initiates strategic prevention efforts. Since 1978, TCFV has been a nationally recognized leader in their efforts to end family violence. TCFV does not provide direct services but can provide referrals and vital information about support and safety programs to survivors looking for services.
Legal services provide one of the most effective ways to permanently stop domestic violence. Texas Advocacy Project provides advice over the phone, support with do-it-yourself legal filing processes and complete client representation. Their experienced attorneys guide and advocate for victims/survivors through the entire process, and their services are always completely free.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse. Contacts to The Hotline can expect highly-trained, expert advocates to offer free, confidential, and compassionate support, crisis intervention information, education, and referral services in over 200 languages.
5. Take Care of Yourself
Healing from the trauma of domestic violence is not linear. Some days feel easier than others. Along with the self-care practices listed below, mental health care and couseling are excellent resources for people recovering and healing from trauma.
Practice Daily Self Care
The most important step you can take is to practice daily self care.
Kindness – Be compassionate with yourself.
Rest – Try to sleep 6 to 8 hours each night.
Breathe – Practice breathing deeply, low and s-l-o-w.
Water – Drink water and stay hydrated throughout the day.
Support - If you are able, spend time with friends and family who accept and support you, and make you happy.
Spaciousness – Take five minutes a day to do something restorative for you (drink a cup of tea, take a quiet moment to think of something positive, or take a short walk).
Here are some of the ways you can move from surviving to thriving:
Spaciousness. Breathing, making time for quiet reflection or meditation, or being in nature are all ways to increase your awareness to see things for what they are in that very moment.
Strong Social Network. Being around caring, supportive people is important in times of difficultly. While talking with a loved one, family member, or friend will not make troubles go away, it allows you to share your feelings, gain support, receive positive feedback, and come up with possible solutions.
Being Optimistic. Staying positive can be difficult, but maintaining a hopeful outlook is an important part of resiliency. Positive thinking does not mean ignoring the problem. It means understanding that setbacks are only in that moment and that you have the skills needed to address challenges.
One Small Action. Decide on an area of life that is important to you and take one small action. Think about the challenges you might face and be ready with a plan. Small steps can renew hope!
Sense of Purpose in Your Life. Get involved in your community, stay connected to or explore spirituality, celebrate traditions and culture, or participate in activities that are meaningful to you.