From Immaculata, circa 1983

Here are some qualities for “the perfect priest” published in a 1983 Immaculata magazine article. The article suggests that these qualities were compiled from a survey. We present them hoping they will inspire a chuckle from all the readers and from our perfect Paulist priests as well.

• The perfect priest preaches exactly 12 minutes. He frequently condemns sin, but never upsets anyone.

• He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.

• He makes $50 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50 a week to the poor.

• He is wonderfully gentle and kind. He gives of himself completely, but never gets close to anyone, lest he be criticized. He speaks boldly on social issues, but never becomes politically involved.

• The perfect priest smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work.

• He makes 15 calls daily on parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.